So, you’ve gotten a positive pregnancy test after your miscarriage. Me too. Let’s talk about that because I know you are freaking out just like me. I got my little plus sign at about 4 weeks. When my husband and I looked at the positive test, I cried. I was happy, but I also didn’t believe it. We had been trying for three cycles since our missed miscarriage. After finding out we were pregnant, I started googling pregnancy after loss to find out how other women have coped pregnant after a miscarriage. I came up mostly empty-handed. When you google pregnancy after miscarriage, it talks about when you can get pregnant and when you ovulate after a miscarriage. Not helpful in this case. I wanted to know how to manage my fears and anxiety. But one talks about that stuff because no one wants to believe that the rate of miscarriage is as high as it is.

So, I took matters into my own hands. I created myself a village because that was the only way I knew that I could get through this pregnancy. I told my parents. I told my sister in law. I told my best friend. I told my supervisor. I told all these people at 4 weeks. Now, there would be a lot of people who would question my decision to tell people before even confirming it was a viable pregnancy. Those people would argue that I would have to tell people about the miscarriage if I lost the baby. I’ve been there. I’ve had to tell people I miscarried and it was awful. I won’t sugarcoat it. My mom had to tell some people because I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

But let me tell you a little known secret; by telling people, I had created myself a village. And having a village is the best thing to have after a miscarriage, especially when you get pregnant again. I don’t know how I’m going to manage to remain calm and positive until my first ultrasound at 8 weeks which is the week I lost my first angel. I don’t know how not to get attached or how to calm myself down by myself. But my village can help me. My village can reassure me. My village can remind me of things that I can do to support my own mental health. I am able to go to any of these people for help, without judgment, without fear. They keep me grounded and keep me moving forward.

I don’t know if you feel comfortable creating your own village. You don’t have to. Some people may find me crazy for telling my supervisor, but I have found that we need people, especially in the middle of the pandemic when we can only have virtual people around. I have only been working under her for a couple months, but she understands what I am going through like no one else. She has repeatedly told me that I can text her whenever, that I can talk to her about whatever, whenever. She is the type of supervisor everyone needs because she recognizes that I am not just my job title and that sometimes I need someone to reassure me and be there to help me.

So how did I find my village? How did I know who to pick? I picked people that were there for me during my miscarriage. These people had known I was pregnant and they stuck by me during the loss. They continued to check in on me. They helped me in whatever way they could. They offered to come over and sit with me or cook for me. These people are people who won’t judge me and won’t abandon me when I need support. These people have seen me through my miscarriage. They have sat with me while I cried. They have offered a listening ear. They were with me in my darkest hour and never made me feel ashamed for falling apart. They grieved with me and helped me put myself back together. These are the people you need in your village. You need these people around you because they will keep you from falling into the bottomless pit that is filled with the ‘what-ifs.’ They are there for you in the middle of the night and the middle of the work day. Some of them have gone through losses themselves. The others may not understand exactly what I’m going through, but they are there with me anyway.

So, if any of my village is reading this, thank you for being you. Thank you for being there for me when I needed it and when I said I didn’t need it. Thank you for loving and caring and supporting me when I couldn’t do that for myself. Thank you in advance for reassuring me and being there for me through this new pregnancy. I couldn’t ask for a better village.