July 7th was one year since my D&C. Sitting with my son on the couch while he napped, I was able to reflect on this past year and everything that has happened since. Bean would have been 5ish months old had I not miscarried, but I also wouldn't know Little Man. After the loss of … Continue reading One Year Since the Miscarriage
Tag: grief
A Letter to My Unborn Son
To My Little Man in the Last Month of Pregnancy, We've made it to 37 weeks together. It has been a long road to get here, huh? It hasn't been an easy road either. We've had hurdles in each trimester and it has made it hard for me to enjoy this time with you. You … Continue reading A Letter to My Unborn Son
Mother’s Day Limbo: Am I a Mother or Not?
Today I am 32 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby boy. I should have a three-month-old if I hadn't miscarried. I've been told I shouldn't think of the what-could-have-been, but how could I not? Everyone wished me a happy mother's day today, but am I a mother? At what point do we decide if a … Continue reading Mother’s Day Limbo: Am I a Mother or Not?
It’s a Boy and I Should Be Celebrating
I am 16 weeks pregnant. I still cannot believe it. After all the troubles of my first trimester, I assumed I would feel much better since the risk of miscarriage has decreased drastically, but I still worry. It could be because this month would have been Bean's due date. In the last 3 weeks, we … Continue reading It’s a Boy and I Should Be Celebrating
Three Medical Bills Later and the Medical System Has Traumatized Me
I was going to be posting something very different today, but our medical insurance system sucks. I suffered a missed miscarriage at the end of June and had a D&C on July 7th. It is now August 27th and I am still fighting over bills and what is and what isn’t covered. Now, I had … Continue reading Three Medical Bills Later and the Medical System Has Traumatized Me
Grief Has Never Been Linear: It’s Unexpected
Grief is not a linear process. You do not progress from one stage to the next in one specific order. I once read that we keep our grief in a box. In this box, there is a pain button against one of the walls. At first, the ball is very large in the box and … Continue reading Grief Has Never Been Linear: It’s Unexpected
My Friend Had a Miscarriage: How to Support Them Through Their Grief
I suffered a missed miscarriage in the middle of a pandemic. It’s been over a month since the D&C and it’s still hard to admit. I was 9 weeks along when the baby’s heart stopped. Quite a few people around my husband and I knew, including all of my family, some of my friends, and … Continue reading My Friend Had a Miscarriage: How to Support Them Through Their Grief
“Seeing the bright red blood, I remembered my lost baby”
The following ten days passed by in agonizing torture. Every time I went to the bathroom, I was reminded of what I had lost. Every time I looked down at the pad in my underwear, seeing the bright red blood, I remembered my lost baby. I desperately wanted to use a tampon, anything to hide … Continue reading “Seeing the bright red blood, I remembered my lost baby”