July 7th was one year since my D&C. Sitting with my son on the couch while he napped, I was able to reflect on this past year and everything that has happened since. Bean would have been 5ish months old had I not miscarried, but I also wouldn't know Little Man. After the loss of … Continue reading One Year Since the Miscarriage
Tag: miscarriage
A Letter to My Unborn Son
To My Little Man in the Last Month of Pregnancy, We've made it to 37 weeks together. It has been a long road to get here, huh? It hasn't been an easy road either. We've had hurdles in each trimester and it has made it hard for me to enjoy this time with you. You … Continue reading A Letter to My Unborn Son
Mother’s Day Limbo: Am I a Mother or Not?
Today I am 32 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby boy. I should have a three-month-old if I hadn't miscarried. I've been told I shouldn't think of the what-could-have-been, but how could I not? Everyone wished me a happy mother's day today, but am I a mother? At what point do we decide if a … Continue reading Mother’s Day Limbo: Am I a Mother or Not?
When Bad News is Confirmed: The Echocardiogram
The pandemic shut the world down a year ago. In that time, I have gotten pregnant, suffered a miscarriage, had a D&C, and got pregnant again. This pregnancy hasn't been easy either. During my first trimester, I had a subchorionic hematoma and spent quite a bit of time on modified bed rest due to bleeding. … Continue reading When Bad News is Confirmed: The Echocardiogram
Grief After a Miscarriage: January is Too Much
This January sucks. I'm just going to come out and say it. Not only are we (still) dealing with COVID and all the stressful stuff that comes with it, but it's just a heap of grief rolled into the first month of the year for me. January 7th marks 6 months since I had my … Continue reading Grief After a Miscarriage: January is Too Much
From Miscarriage to 10 weeks: How I’m Coping with My Loss While Pregnant
I am almost 10 weeks pregnant with my Rainbow Baby, but I would have been 32 weeks this week with my Bean. I have been thinking a lot about Bean lately and I'm not entirely sure why. I have had a few scares with this pregnancy and was diagnosed with a subchorionic hematoma. I don't … Continue reading From Miscarriage to 10 weeks: How I’m Coping with My Loss While Pregnant
Three Medical Bills Later and the Medical System Has Traumatized Me
I was going to be posting something very different today, but our medical insurance system sucks. I suffered a missed miscarriage at the end of June and had a D&C on July 7th. It is now August 27th and I am still fighting over bills and what is and what isn’t covered. Now, I had … Continue reading Three Medical Bills Later and the Medical System Has Traumatized Me
Grief Has Never Been Linear: It’s Unexpected
Grief is not a linear process. You do not progress from one stage to the next in one specific order. I once read that we keep our grief in a box. In this box, there is a pain button against one of the walls. At first, the ball is very large in the box and … Continue reading Grief Has Never Been Linear: It’s Unexpected
I Said Goodbye to My Baby: Day of the D&C
Finally, the day of my surgery arrived. I had to be there at 10:30. Because of the pandemic, I had to go in alone. My grandma had to wait outside for me. But, when we arrived and they told me to say goodbye, I broke down crying. I couldn’t go alone. I was terrified. I … Continue reading I Said Goodbye to My Baby: Day of the D&C
“I’m sorry, but there’s no heartbeat…”
I had a miscarriage in the middle of a pandemic, the most isolating time to suffer a great loss. The medical term is a missed, or silent miscarriage. I went to my 9 week OB appointment, thinking nothing was wrong, but my world was shattered there. The radiologist had turned the screen towards me. "I'm … Continue reading “I’m sorry, but there’s no heartbeat…”