To My Little Man in the Last Month of Pregnancy, We've made it to 37 weeks together. It has been a long road to get here, huh? It hasn't been an easy road either. We've had hurdles in each trimester and it has made it hard for me to enjoy this time with you. You … Continue reading A Letter to My Unborn Son
Category: Loss
Mother’s Day Limbo: Am I a Mother or Not?
Today I am 32 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby boy. I should have a three-month-old if I hadn't miscarried. I've been told I shouldn't think of the what-could-have-been, but how could I not? Everyone wished me a happy mother's day today, but am I a mother? At what point do we decide if a … Continue reading Mother’s Day Limbo: Am I a Mother or Not?
Grief After a Miscarriage: January is Too Much
This January sucks. I'm just going to come out and say it. Not only are we (still) dealing with COVID and all the stressful stuff that comes with it, but it's just a heap of grief rolled into the first month of the year for me. January 7th marks 6 months since I had my … Continue reading Grief After a Miscarriage: January is Too Much
Three Medical Bills Later and the Medical System Has Traumatized Me
I was going to be posting something very different today, but our medical insurance system sucks. I suffered a missed miscarriage at the end of June and had a D&C on July 7th. It is now August 27th and I am still fighting over bills and what is and what isn’t covered. Now, I had … Continue reading Three Medical Bills Later and the Medical System Has Traumatized Me
Grief Has Never Been Linear: It’s Unexpected
Grief is not a linear process. You do not progress from one stage to the next in one specific order. I once read that we keep our grief in a box. In this box, there is a pain button against one of the walls. At first, the ball is very large in the box and … Continue reading Grief Has Never Been Linear: It’s Unexpected
PMS After Miscarriage: It’s Okay to Still Grieve
My period came 32 days after surgery. The weeks and days leading up to my period, I started looking up what to expect with my first period, but there wasn’t a lot of information regarding what your first period would look like after a D&C. The information was very broad saying that my period would … Continue reading PMS After Miscarriage: It’s Okay to Still Grieve
“Seeing the bright red blood, I remembered my lost baby”
The following ten days passed by in agonizing torture. Every time I went to the bathroom, I was reminded of what I had lost. Every time I looked down at the pad in my underwear, seeing the bright red blood, I remembered my lost baby. I desperately wanted to use a tampon, anything to hide … Continue reading “Seeing the bright red blood, I remembered my lost baby”
I Said Goodbye to My Baby: Day of the D&C
Finally, the day of my surgery arrived. I had to be there at 10:30. Because of the pandemic, I had to go in alone. My grandma had to wait outside for me. But, when we arrived and they told me to say goodbye, I broke down crying. I couldn’t go alone. I was terrified. I … Continue reading I Said Goodbye to My Baby: Day of the D&C
“I’m sorry, but there’s no heartbeat…”
I had a miscarriage in the middle of a pandemic, the most isolating time to suffer a great loss. The medical term is a missed, or silent miscarriage. I went to my 9 week OB appointment, thinking nothing was wrong, but my world was shattered there. The radiologist had turned the screen towards me. "I'm … Continue reading “I’m sorry, but there’s no heartbeat…”
The Second Little Line Appeared
I started this blog as a support for women who have suffered a miscarriage like me because there isn't much support and our stories are important and they matter. We matter. So I wanted to tell you the start of my story because, at the beginning, I didn't realize the path I was embarking on. … Continue reading The Second Little Line Appeared